I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize