You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
