so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
