if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
