it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
