I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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