I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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