just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
