ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
