i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize