So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
