I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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