I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
