so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
