there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
