omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
