My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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