I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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