Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
