my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
