Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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