tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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