Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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