when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
