Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's shark week go big or go home
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
