I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
