I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
