Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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