White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
