talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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