it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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