come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
