i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
