Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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