if you like me you must not know who I am
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
