I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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