Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
