My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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