direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
