I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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