So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize