i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
