I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
