Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
