Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
