sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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