hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
