She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
