I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
