So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
