Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize