We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
