I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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