maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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