i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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