You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
