I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
