so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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