dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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