we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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