just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
