OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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