Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize