MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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