eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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