I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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