Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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