My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
