TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
