I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize