I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
