Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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