similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
