margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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