mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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