Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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