Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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