how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
ok first of all what the fuck
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
