I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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