your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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