Your mouth is God's brothel.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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