Fuck appropriateness.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize