well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
