hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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