I'm jealous of your bromance
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
