pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
