sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
