This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize