This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
