Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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