Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
