It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
