I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
