i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
