i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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