yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
