Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
