Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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