You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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