Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
