is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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