He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
