And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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