I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize