Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
