this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
