Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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